A Message for Messy Women
Summary
Transcript
· You are not defined by the status the world gives you. Even the good statuses.
· You're not defined by being a mom. Being a mom is a great thing, but it's not everything you are. You're not defined by being a boss or a wife or a grandma or being retired or fill in the blank with wherever you're at. You are not defined by that.
· [Music] But today as we start Mother's Day, I was like, what better way to celebrate and and to get into God's word in this time than coming to this topic and this new series where today we're going to talk about messy women. You may need a new pastor next week. All right, but as I was actually preparing for this, it's funny. We have volunteers that come into um our offices and serve in a number of ways. And they asked me, they're like, "Hey, what are you uh working on?" Um they're like, and I was like, "Oh, I'm writing my sermon for a few weeks out." And they're like, "Oh, cool. What's the title of it?" And I said, "It's called Messy Women." And no joke, this was her response. She said, "What the Satan's home is wrong with you?" All right, I'll let you fill in the blank there. And I was like, "All right, here." And I I like gave her my outline. I think it made her feel slightly better. But here's why we say this today. This is in the broader context of we're starting this new series, this family series. We're kind of talking about less of the mess inside of our homes. And as we get into the series, here's what we're going to look.
· We're going to see how messy that parenting is, how messy our children are. Can I get an amen at least for that one, right? How messy our finances can be. And I'm going to end on Father's Day talking about how messy men are. All right? I'll be extra hard on that day. I promise. Even we're going lighter today.
· But as we get into this and then as we kind of start to dissect through this and look at this of how does our culture just create this mess within our lives and inside of our families is how does God have something greater for us? And here's kind of the lens and the and the challenge I want to give us as we begin to pick apart throughout this these next six weeks from Mother's Day to Father's Day is here's our serious challenge is when our family is a mess. It is time to come to God and confess when our family is a mess. And you probably have some messiness in your family. Maybe it's within you and your spouse, with you and your kids, with you and extended family is there could be some sort of mess that you are waiting through that you are kind of navigating. And when we have a mess, and we have a mess because our world has put us in that mess and our sinful desires have, the only answer is to come to our God and confess it to him. In James 5:1 16, he says this, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another." And I love this. And pray for one another. Why? So that you may be healed. That God brings healing. God cleans up the stuff that we destroy, the messes that we create. And today, as we start this journey with our moms, with our wives, with our sisters, and our daughters, and the amazing, messy women in our lives, we get to see this through the lens of Proverbs chapter 31. So, if you have your Bible, go ahead and flip to Proverbs chapter 31. And if you're familiar with this passage, and we're going to be starting in verse 10, this is one of the most intimidating passages in all of scripture. Usually, if you mention it, when I mention it to my wife or to women in the church, there's always like a like a groan a little bit, right? Right. Like you read this passage, you're like, "How did she do all this in a day?" Like, "What is this like Superwoman or whatever?" And and sometimes we read this passage and I think it can be misused almost as like a measuring stick. Like, do you live up to this? And if not, we feel beaten down.
· We feel like you're not enough. But instead, what if this was less about a measuring stick and not a burden, but was meant to liberate us from the mess that our culture has made of womanhood. And in this passage, we're going to see today is we're going to dive into four areas where I think women are feeling particularly messy in today's culture. And we're going to see what Proverbs 31 has to say about them.
· And we start in Proverbs 31 in verse 10.
· The writer Solomon says this, "Who can find a woman of noble character, she is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the merchant ships bringing her food from far away. She rises while it is still night and provides for her household in portions for her female servants. She evaluates a field and buys it. She plants a vineyard with her earnings. She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong. Here's the first area that women I think today through our culture feel particularly messy. It is we see the physically messy woman. You see, Solomon starts this off and Solomon is the writer of the book of Proverbs and uh he was the wisest man on the earth in his time. So, if you get mad throughout this, Solomon said it, not me, okay? Uh we'll just establish that. But he was wise and and I would almost argue he might have been the second wisest man throughout history next to Jesus himself because his wisdom was from God. But as he starts this section, he asks a question. He said, 'Who can find a wife of noble character?
· But then instead of leaving that question lingering, he immediately answers it. And he answers it with who this woman is. And he starts to describe her. And this description kind of starts to boil down to a woman who is physically engaged with her household. A woman who is not afraid of hard work. A woman who is not afraid to use her strength. Look through verses 13-1 17. I just love about how it talks about how hardworking she is. Listen to some of the phrases that are used here. It says there's willing hands. I I'll be honest.
· Sometimes my hands are not very willing.
· Sometimes I'm like that's my kid's job, right? Like you go do that. Like I I'm like, "Nah, I've done enough. I'm good."
· And and here we're told the opposite.
· This godly woman has willing hands.
· She's bringing her food from far away.
· This was before grocery stores. You think Costco's far away? Go to a merchant ship. I don't even know where that is, but it's far away, right? He says, "It rises while it is still night. It's really easy to easy to rise while it's night in the winter.
· It's a lot harder in the summer when the sun, you know, sun is up at 4:00 a.m.
· She says she provides, she evaluates, she draws on her strength. Here's what I love about all this is you read this and every woman and even every man strives to be described like this, to have a work ethic like this, to have these descriptions of these hands and these bringing and these providing and these evaluating and drawing on the strength.
· But I think if we're honest, I don't think our culture celebrates this. I don't think our culture strives to live this way. And as we go throughout this, and we're going to talk about kind of these messy elements that our culture brings up and faces inside of this, I think there's some confessions that we need to make as we look at our culture and how what instead is God calling us to. And here's our first cultural confession is we have valued self-care over sacrificial service. Our world loves to say, "Hey, you take care of yourself. You do what you need to do. You need to be rested."
· And there, and we're going to talk about this a second, is there's some truth to that. You can't work out of your burnout. You can't work if you are dry.
· But our world has taken this to the extreme. A recent survey said the average American woman spends about $3,756 per year on beauty products and services. If I'm honest, I thought that was low. All right, that's only $313 per month.
· That's a car payment. I thought it'd be more like a mortgage payment if I'm being real. Okay. Um All right. The cards are starting. Uh you're starting drafting your text that you're going to email in or text in to the church complaining. But but here's the deal. is if we're honest, our culture has taken something good and self-care is a great thing, don't get me wrong, but has almost made an idol of it. The global beauty industry is about $450 billion.
· That's a B. And I think our culture is constantly telling us that we need to put ourselves first, that we need to self-care isn't selfish, that we need to fill our own cups before we fill someone else. And there is a kernel of truth in that. But I think we need to maintain our health in a right way. But our culture has twisted this into a self-centered obsession. And I think the real toxic turn this takes is trying to live up to superficial physical standards set by social media and the things around us that we can never grasp in reality. You see, here's what I think is so tragic is why I think women can fall into this trap of this kind of physically messy and always trying to just care about ourselves, not care about the others, is because you're trying to keep up with the portrayal out there in our culture is is Instagram, it's fake, right? Social media is fake.
· What we see on uh movies, in media, it's all fake. They got lots of makeup, lots of filters, CGI, it's AI. Everything is putting this thing. So, we're trying to reach this standard that no one actually is achieving themselves. And here, what what we're seeing through scripture is Proverbs 31 is telling us exactly the opposite. You see, the Proverbs 31 woman, she's not neglecting herself. It actually says she's strong. She she's vigorous. It will describe her as beautiful in a second, but her focus is outward, not inward. She's using her physical strength to serve her family, to serve her community, not just to perfect her appearance or prioritize her comfort.
· But we keep going in verse 18 and he says that she sees that her prophets are good and her lamp never goes out at night. She extends her hand to the spinning staff and her hands holds the spindle. Her hands reach out to the poor and she extends her hand to the needy.
· Listen to 21. She is not afraid, for her household when it snows, for all in her household are doubly clothed. You see, not only do we see the physically messy women that our world has produced, that our culture has produced, but we also see the emotionally messy woman. And in here, I love as this passage that in these verses because this godly woman is portrayed here, she is shown as someone who is emotionally steady. And and one of the ways she is emotionally steady.
· And here here's kind of the rub here, how it describes is she plans ahead.
· She's not paralyzed by fear about the future. Instead, she knows what's coming and she's ready for it. Here's the thing. is our world freaks out about uncertainty. Our world goes crazy when we can't see a far enough ahead and we don't know what's coming. Think about this on a global scale as we freak out about the economy, about the housing market, about a global pandemic, about global wars, about local and federal politics. We love to make ourselves anxious and crazy, but the Proverbs 31 woman does not do that. And listen to some of the practical ways it shows us in these verses. It says, "She sees that her prophets are good. She's looking at reality. She She's knowing what truth is and not getting it twisted by all the stuff we consume. She extends her staff.
· She is working with others. She's reaching out to the poor. She's not afraid when it snows. Now, I would be very afraid if it snowed in Phoenix cuz that might mean that climate change is real. I don't know. But she here is what it's saying. And she's she's not afraid.
· She's not caught off guard. She knows winter is coming so she's preparing for it. We know 120 is coming, so we make sure our AC's are tuned up and will not break in the middle of the summer, right? And she's not afraid of it cuz she's planned for it. Here's our cultural confession under this idea of this emotional mess that our world has created is we have focused on anxiety over careful planning.
· How much of us fall into this trap where we are so anxious? We are so worried all the time because we're being fed through all sources. Man, I scroll Twitter and the world is going to burn down every single time I'm scrolling. Okay? You go on Instagram, you go on Facebook, you watch cable news, whatever it is that you consume content, the world looks like it's going to end. And when we bring this into the view of women, it gets even worse. Did you know that women today are twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with an anxiety order?
· According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders inside of adults inside the US are at 40 million. And I I think that number is actually incredibly low. And when Gen Z comes more into adulthood, that number is going to skyrocket in ways we have never seen. And and here's the thing. While there are biological factors that can be involved in this, there's trauma that leads to this.
· Here's what I believe certainly is our culture has also normalized and even glorified anxiety is there are many shows, books and other media that portray chronic anxiety and it's just like and it's even more so that it's like part of modern like women like it's okay to be anxious.
· You should be anxious. There's memes and jokes out there about how you're just an anxious girl or you have anxiety brain and that's why you can't focus on things and it's almost become a part of her identity. But the Proverbs 31 woman, she shows there's a different path. She's not immune to concerns. It's it's snowing in her day. She's living in a harsh world with real dangers. It's snowing before they had heaters, right?
· So, you had to get wood and had to be prepared. But she also channels that energy into preparation rather than paralysis. She doesn't fear the snow because she's already prepared warm clothing. She doesn't fear poverty because she's already been generous with what God has given her, knowing that God is going to take care of her if she is faithful. And she's focused on creating a community that loves her. Here's the deal is I I firmly believe that we have a culture that doesn't want to plan and doesn't want to grow up. I mean, with so many 30-year-olds, you're like, "Man, I'm ready to settle down." Like, bro, you're 10 years too late. Right? Like, you didn't become an adult at 30. You became an adult at 18. All right? It's like, and and it's this culture. It's like when we can say 18 or 30 is the new 18, but it doesn't change the fact that you're actually 30, you're not 18 years old. All right? And you're like, "Yeah, get them young people." All right, let's talk about middle age. We rack up debt after debt after debt of things we don't need to impress people we don't like.
· And we think, "Ah, it eventually will go away." Like, maybe the government will forgive it, maybe I'll get another loan, and maybe something will happen. A family member dies, I inherit something, eventually this is all going to go away.
· But we're just being piled on and piled on and piled on and piled on. You, some people have no plan for retirement.
· They're like, "Hey, I'll just get there.
· Like, someone will take care of me. My family will take care of me. It will work out. I don't have to plan ahead.
· It's fine. It will be there. Or maybe financially and on the practical ways you have planned for retirement. You are ready for it, but you haven't spiritually and and emotionally prepared your heart of like what am I going to do when I'm retired. And you see, we live in a world that says just like focus on today. Just like get through today, get to the weekend. Get to this. You'll be okay.
· And in here, we see throughout scripture, we see through the lens of the Proverbs 31 woman is that is not biblical. It is okay to plan ahead. It is okay to ask God to come into our picture and say, "Help me figure my life out." Instead of living one second at a time. And here we see that too often we are so anxious because we have let the world plan our life instead of taking it into God's hands. But he keeps going in verse 22. He says that she makes her own bed coverings. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known at the city gates where he sits among the elders of the land. She makes and sells linen garments. She delivers belts to the merchants. Strength and honor are her clothing and she can laugh at the time to come. What a great verse that is.
· Verse 26. Her mouth speaks wisdom and loving instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the activities of her household and she is never idle. Here's the next category we see when we talk about the physically a messy woman, the emotionally messy woman. And here we see the mentally messy woman. You see this woman here so different than what our culture preps us and prepares us for.
· She is mentally focused. She has purpose and direction. She's not scattered or aimless. Look at in verses 22. I love this. some of the things that we see in here. It says that she laughs at the time to come, right? She's prepared for this. She knows what's coming. So, she knows of what truly matters. Her mouth speaks wisdom. Wisdom is not something we gain on her own. Wisdom is something that as God molds us and is working on us slowly that wisdom just breathes out.
· It says she watches over the activities, she's never idol talking about again the hardworking um lifestyle she is. And here's ultimately what makes this woman so impressive is she's not letting life just pass her by, but she is filling her time with the important stuff. This past Friday, uh my wife works part-time and Friday is her one day in the office, so I'm running kids around to school and taking care of the younger kids at home. And during nap time, we got a big old like water bounce house slide from Sam's Club and it like takes up half of my backyard. It is ginormous. All right. And it weighs like 50 lbs. So, I'm like trying to lug this thing in the backyard. And I sent her a picture like I got it set up. I had the hose ready. And she's like, "You're going to have the kids play with that after school, like without me." And I was like kind of. I was like, "But I can wait." She's like, "No, it's fine. Don't wait." She's like, "Just record it." All right. Cuz you have And we're going to record it anyway. You want to see those little faces that are so true and then you'll never actually watch them again on your phone, but you'll have 5,000, you know, million pictures and videos on your phone that you never see again. Um, but it's like she wanted me to record it cuz she wanted to make sure she didn't miss that moment of their eyes lighting up when they saw this giant water slide in their backyard. And here sometimes what I'm guilty of and my wife is great at is sometimes I'm just like, I got to plan ahead. I got to get through. I got to get through this. Like kids in bed, everyone fed. Like this is great. Let's go. Like, you know, work my schedule.
· And my wife's like, let's just enjoy the moment. enjoy the moment with our family and our kids and watch and prioritizing the right things in our life. And you see this woman, this Proverbs 31 woman, she does this so well. And this leads to, I think, our cultural confession we have here is we have idolized status over purpose. We have idolized status over purpose. You see, she was focused on the right things. She was focused on her family, on loving God. We'll talk a little bit more of that in a second. of having the right things in her life instead of the world telling her what she should be focused on. A recent study found that 72% of women check Instagram daily. That's got to be true, if not closer to 80%. All right, but 72% of women check Instagram daily. But get this, and spend an average amount of time of 30 minutes on the app. That's where I call cap, as the young kids say, right? I think I use that right. I see a couple nods, but you're like 35 when you're nodding. So, that doesn't help me. The young kids aren't nodding.
· Okay. But 30 minutes, right? That's like 10 minutes of scrolling through reels or whatever that I know is longer than that. But if we're honest, it is so easy to get consumed into this world. And here's the problem with Instagram or whatever other app we're on is when we watch this stuff, we are watching carefully curated images and content that is designed to project status in a lifestyle that someone appears to live, not necessarily purpose or wisdom. Here here's what I mean by this is when we go to the Bible, we get our purpose in following Christ. We get wisdom of how to follow Christ properly. When we go to social media in the garbage of our world, we are getting people's perceived status of what they want their life to look like and we should try to reach up to them. And you see here there's like kind of blowing that picture up. It is too often I think when we go to a culture where we see a woman or a man's value is often tied to how enviable their life looks. Like we scroll and we're like, "Man, their home is so stylish. Uh, their children look so perfect. That's because it was a 10-second clip. Okay. Um, their vacations are so nice. Their career is so impressive and these achievements, but they never say the purpose behind these things. It's just about the status they convey. But here, what Proverbs 31 is trying to see us to see is this woman.
· She certainly had beautiful things. It says she even wears purple, the color of royalty. But these were and she made sure she was looking and and take care of herself and was in the right way. But these were all byproducts of a purposeful living life, not the purpose that she strived for itself. And it says she speaks with wisdom. She gives instruction. She managers household with diligence. But here's what I want you to hear is she's not concerned with appearing purposeful.
· She's not concerned with setting up a status for herself to be looked to.
· Instead, she actually is purposeful and following God. And here's the deal. As we start to get this, you know, go down this path and you're kind of wondering like like where are we going with this here? Here here's what I want you to hear as we kind of transition to the end of this passage is you are not defined by the status the world gives you. Even the good statuses. You're not defined by being a mom. Being a mom is a great thing, but it's not everything you are.
· You're not defined by being a boss or a wife or a grandma or being retired or fill in the blank with wherever you're at. You are not defined by that.
· Instead, scripture tells us what we are truly defined by. In verse 28, it says, "Her children rise up and they call her blessed. Her husband also praises her.
· Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all. Verse 30, charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. Give her the reward of her labor, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
· The last part of this that we see, we see the physical mess, the emotional, the mental, and lastly, the spiritually messy women that our world has created.
· You see, it's so different than what we see here in Proverbs that above all else, this women, this woman here is spiritually grounded. Her her ultimate concern isn't the temporary pleasures or the achievements, but it's with eternal matters. And and I love in verse 30, it's so important. and says she fears the Lord and her family knows she fears the Lord. Everything she does flows out of this truth of her fearing and loving her God. But our world is not here. And it brings us to our fourth and our final cultural confession that we have today is we have been filled with temporary enjoyment over eternal fulfillment.
· You know, according to Barner research, there's been a weird trend happening in the life of young people really under 40 inside the church and inside our culture is women are actually attending Christian church less and less and there's a decline which they always were the leaders in but they're declining those numbers and actually young men are increasing but women aren't becoming less spiritual they're just becoming less Christian in some of that spiritual in our cultural instead there's been rise in other kind spirituality things, things like astrology and crystals and tarot and other new age practices in the spiritual but not religious category has grown immensely. And here's the problem that's happened in our culture is we have created a spiritual marketplace where women can pick and choose elements that feel good in the moment without the commitment or the challenge that comes with a faith in Jesus Christ.
· We have created a spirituality that is designed for temporary enjoyment, a quick fix of inspiration or comfort rather than eternal fulfillment. Recently, I was going through Target and noticed, you know, there's sections of everything of like journals and candles and home decor with like vaguely spiritual messages and it was all these things like good vibes only. Like what does that even mean?
· Okay, I have no idea. And then it was like manifest your dreams. Know even less about what that means. And even ones like the universe has your back.
· Who is the universe? And is all these little like cute phrases that I think our culture has reduced spirituality to is these little feel-good moments that kind of fill you up for a second but are empty and you feel empty again. And here's the problem. When you look into our world, our culture has failed women so badly. When we look at things and if we're being real and we're being honest about what is being consumed about saying this is what we strive for. From things like Only Fans to Instagram to material success to social status, our culture has told women they can substitute an eternal fulfillment and longing with temporary enjoyments that are here today and gone tomorrow. And guess what? They have lied. Because when those are gone, that void just hurts all the more. And the only cure for the mess that our culture has made is an eternal God in Jesus Christ who doesn't give us temporary. But because of his death and his resurrection, he gives us something eternal that can save us from our sins, that can save us from the lies of culture, that can truly give us a purpose and something greater to live for. As you reflect on this and as you write your fifth draft of your comment card complaint that you're going to turn in after church, you think, "What do we do with this? H how do we attempt to live this out?" And maybe as you've heard these words today, there's been some conviction in your life. Maybe you feel like, "Yes, like I have prioritized myself over loving and serving others." and you need to pray that prayer of confession to our God.
· Maybe you focus on the anxiety that our world has presented instead of planning and being purposeful. Maybe you have idolized a status of who you think you need to be rather than living with a purpose in Jesus Christ.
· Or maybe you've looked to the temporary fleeting things of our world rather than the eternal rock of our salvation in Jesus Christ. If you're in any of those places, you need to confess those to God. But maybe you're in a place right now where you're like, "Man, I was coming on Mother's Day. I I was hoping I'd be lifted up and I'm feeling a little beaten down. I've tried the things of the culture. They didn't work.
· I came to church. You just told me the things of culture don't work and it's miserable and it's left you a mess. I don't feel good leaving this place. Yesterday we wrapped up our soccer season over here uh which we talked about earlier in our story and I had all my three kids in it and my youngest Arlo, he's 3 years old. He was part of the Tigers allegedly.
· Okay. We went to about every practice, every game, and and I would like literally like grab his hand and like walk through practice with him because he just like as soon as he got on the field, he'd shut down. And then we did games. I think over the course of all our games is he averaged about 10 seconds of game time on the field in there. Yesterday was about a high. We were about out there 5 minutes just standing next to him while he's watching all the other kids run back and forth.
· Tried every bribe I could, every threat.
· None of it worked.
· But at the end of it, Arlo had his Tigers jersey on. He got his little Tiger certificate. And this might challenge your theology. It's really not theology. It's more just your personal preference. He also got a medal. Arlo didn't play any games. He didn't kick the ball the entire season, but he got a medal. And here's the deal.
· in your spiritual life, your good works, the things you have tried to bring to the table to God or the things you have tried to run through culture, you might as well be like Arlo playing a soccer game. You have done nothing good. The only thing you have brought to your salvation is the sin that has made it necessary. but because of the death and the resurrection of Jesus Christ that when you die because of you knowing him, you're going to get a medal.
· [Applause] Not because of what you've done, but because of what our God has done. And as you leave this place, my prayer is God can highlight the parts of your life that you need to ask him to clean up.
· But you get to rest in the fact that because we can confess Jesus with our mouth, because we can believe that he is our savior with our hearts, that no longer do we have to be defined by our mess, but we can to be defined by the glory of Jesus Christ. And as we go throughout this Mother's Day and we get to celebrate with all that God has done, my prayer is we get to rest in his purpose. We get to experience his eternity and we can leave this place knowing what Jesus has done in our lives and making him known to those around us.
· [Music]
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· You are not defined by the status the world gives you. Even the good statuses.
· You're not defined by being a mom. Being a mom is a great thing, but it's not everything you are. You're not defined by being a boss or a wife or a grandma or being retired or fill in the blank with wherever you're at. You are not defined by that.
· [Music] But today as we start Mother's Day, I was like, what better way to celebrate and and to get into God's word in this time than coming to this topic and this new series where today we're going to talk about messy women. You may need a new pastor next week. All right, but as I was actually preparing for this, it's funny. We have volunteers that come into um our offices and serve in a number of ways. And they asked me, they're like, "Hey, what are you uh working on?" Um they're like, and I was like, "Oh, I'm writing my sermon for a few weeks out." And they're like, "Oh, cool. What's the title of it?" And I said, "It's called Messy Women." And no joke, this was her response. She said, "What the Satan's home is wrong with you?" All right, I'll let you fill in the blank there. And I was like, "All right, here." And I I like gave her my outline. I think it made her feel slightly better. But here's why we say this today. This is in the broader context of we're starting this new series, this family series. We're kind of talking about less of the mess inside of our homes. And as we get into the series, here's what we're going to look.
· We're going to see how messy that parenting is, how messy our children are. Can I get an amen at least for that one, right? How messy our finances can be. And I'm going to end on Father's Day talking about how messy men are. All right? I'll be extra hard on that day. I promise. Even we're going lighter today.
· But as we get into this and then as we kind of start to dissect through this and look at this of how does our culture just create this mess within our lives and inside of our families is how does God have something greater for us? And here's kind of the lens and the and the challenge I want to give us as we begin to pick apart throughout this these next six weeks from Mother's Day to Father's Day is here's our serious challenge is when our family is a mess. It is time to come to God and confess when our family is a mess. And you probably have some messiness in your family. Maybe it's within you and your spouse, with you and your kids, with you and extended family is there could be some sort of mess that you are waiting through that you are kind of navigating. And when we have a mess, and we have a mess because our world has put us in that mess and our sinful desires have, the only answer is to come to our God and confess it to him. In James 5:1 16, he says this, "Therefore, confess your sins to one another." And I love this. And pray for one another. Why? So that you may be healed. That God brings healing. God cleans up the stuff that we destroy, the messes that we create. And today, as we start this journey with our moms, with our wives, with our sisters, and our daughters, and the amazing, messy women in our lives, we get to see this through the lens of Proverbs chapter 31. So, if you have your Bible, go ahead and flip to Proverbs chapter 31. And if you're familiar with this passage, and we're going to be starting in verse 10, this is one of the most intimidating passages in all of scripture. Usually, if you mention it, when I mention it to my wife or to women in the church, there's always like a like a groan a little bit, right? Right. Like you read this passage, you're like, "How did she do all this in a day?" Like, "What is this like Superwoman or whatever?" And and sometimes we read this passage and I think it can be misused almost as like a measuring stick. Like, do you live up to this? And if not, we feel beaten down.
· We feel like you're not enough. But instead, what if this was less about a measuring stick and not a burden, but was meant to liberate us from the mess that our culture has made of womanhood. And in this passage, we're going to see today is we're going to dive into four areas where I think women are feeling particularly messy in today's culture. And we're going to see what Proverbs 31 has to say about them.
· And we start in Proverbs 31 in verse 10.
· The writer Solomon says this, "Who can find a woman of noble character, she is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good. She rewards him with good, not evil, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the merchant ships bringing her food from far away. She rises while it is still night and provides for her household in portions for her female servants. She evaluates a field and buys it. She plants a vineyard with her earnings. She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong. Here's the first area that women I think today through our culture feel particularly messy. It is we see the physically messy woman. You see, Solomon starts this off and Solomon is the writer of the book of Proverbs and uh he was the wisest man on the earth in his time. So, if you get mad throughout this, Solomon said it, not me, okay? Uh we'll just establish that. But he was wise and and I would almost argue he might have been the second wisest man throughout history next to Jesus himself because his wisdom was from God. But as he starts this section, he asks a question. He said, 'Who can find a wife of noble character?
· But then instead of leaving that question lingering, he immediately answers it. And he answers it with who this woman is. And he starts to describe her. And this description kind of starts to boil down to a woman who is physically engaged with her household. A woman who is not afraid of hard work. A woman who is not afraid to use her strength. Look through verses 13-1 17. I just love about how it talks about how hardworking she is. Listen to some of the phrases that are used here. It says there's willing hands. I I'll be honest.
· Sometimes my hands are not very willing.
· Sometimes I'm like that's my kid's job, right? Like you go do that. Like I I'm like, "Nah, I've done enough. I'm good."
· And and here we're told the opposite.
· This godly woman has willing hands.
· She's bringing her food from far away.
· This was before grocery stores. You think Costco's far away? Go to a merchant ship. I don't even know where that is, but it's far away, right? He says, "It rises while it is still night. It's really easy to easy to rise while it's night in the winter.
· It's a lot harder in the summer when the sun, you know, sun is up at 4:00 a.m.
· She says she provides, she evaluates, she draws on her strength. Here's what I love about all this is you read this and every woman and even every man strives to be described like this, to have a work ethic like this, to have these descriptions of these hands and these bringing and these providing and these evaluating and drawing on the strength.
· But I think if we're honest, I don't think our culture celebrates this. I don't think our culture strives to live this way. And as we go throughout this, and we're going to talk about kind of these messy elements that our culture brings up and faces inside of this, I think there's some confessions that we need to make as we look at our culture and how what instead is God calling us to. And here's our first cultural confession is we have valued self-care over sacrificial service. Our world loves to say, "Hey, you take care of yourself. You do what you need to do. You need to be rested."
· And there, and we're going to talk about this a second, is there's some truth to that. You can't work out of your burnout. You can't work if you are dry.
· But our world has taken this to the extreme. A recent survey said the average American woman spends about $3,756 per year on beauty products and services. If I'm honest, I thought that was low. All right, that's only $313 per month.
· That's a car payment. I thought it'd be more like a mortgage payment if I'm being real. Okay. Um All right. The cards are starting. Uh you're starting drafting your text that you're going to email in or text in to the church complaining. But but here's the deal. is if we're honest, our culture has taken something good and self-care is a great thing, don't get me wrong, but has almost made an idol of it. The global beauty industry is about $450 billion.
· That's a B. And I think our culture is constantly telling us that we need to put ourselves first, that we need to self-care isn't selfish, that we need to fill our own cups before we fill someone else. And there is a kernel of truth in that. But I think we need to maintain our health in a right way. But our culture has twisted this into a self-centered obsession. And I think the real toxic turn this takes is trying to live up to superficial physical standards set by social media and the things around us that we can never grasp in reality. You see, here's what I think is so tragic is why I think women can fall into this trap of this kind of physically messy and always trying to just care about ourselves, not care about the others, is because you're trying to keep up with the portrayal out there in our culture is is Instagram, it's fake, right? Social media is fake.
· What we see on uh movies, in media, it's all fake. They got lots of makeup, lots of filters, CGI, it's AI. Everything is putting this thing. So, we're trying to reach this standard that no one actually is achieving themselves. And here, what what we're seeing through scripture is Proverbs 31 is telling us exactly the opposite. You see, the Proverbs 31 woman, she's not neglecting herself. It actually says she's strong. She she's vigorous. It will describe her as beautiful in a second, but her focus is outward, not inward. She's using her physical strength to serve her family, to serve her community, not just to perfect her appearance or prioritize her comfort.
· But we keep going in verse 18 and he says that she sees that her prophets are good and her lamp never goes out at night. She extends her hand to the spinning staff and her hands holds the spindle. Her hands reach out to the poor and she extends her hand to the needy.
· Listen to 21. She is not afraid, for her household when it snows, for all in her household are doubly clothed. You see, not only do we see the physically messy women that our world has produced, that our culture has produced, but we also see the emotionally messy woman. And in here, I love as this passage that in these verses because this godly woman is portrayed here, she is shown as someone who is emotionally steady. And and one of the ways she is emotionally steady.
· And here here's kind of the rub here, how it describes is she plans ahead.
· She's not paralyzed by fear about the future. Instead, she knows what's coming and she's ready for it. Here's the thing. is our world freaks out about uncertainty. Our world goes crazy when we can't see a far enough ahead and we don't know what's coming. Think about this on a global scale as we freak out about the economy, about the housing market, about a global pandemic, about global wars, about local and federal politics. We love to make ourselves anxious and crazy, but the Proverbs 31 woman does not do that. And listen to some of the practical ways it shows us in these verses. It says, "She sees that her prophets are good. She's looking at reality. She She's knowing what truth is and not getting it twisted by all the stuff we consume. She extends her staff.
· She is working with others. She's reaching out to the poor. She's not afraid when it snows. Now, I would be very afraid if it snowed in Phoenix cuz that might mean that climate change is real. I don't know. But she here is what it's saying. And she's she's not afraid.
· She's not caught off guard. She knows winter is coming so she's preparing for it. We know 120 is coming, so we make sure our AC's are tuned up and will not break in the middle of the summer, right? And she's not afraid of it cuz she's planned for it. Here's our cultural confession under this idea of this emotional mess that our world has created is we have focused on anxiety over careful planning.
· How much of us fall into this trap where we are so anxious? We are so worried all the time because we're being fed through all sources. Man, I scroll Twitter and the world is going to burn down every single time I'm scrolling. Okay? You go on Instagram, you go on Facebook, you watch cable news, whatever it is that you consume content, the world looks like it's going to end. And when we bring this into the view of women, it gets even worse. Did you know that women today are twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with an anxiety order?
· According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders inside of adults inside the US are at 40 million. And I I think that number is actually incredibly low. And when Gen Z comes more into adulthood, that number is going to skyrocket in ways we have never seen. And and here's the thing. While there are biological factors that can be involved in this, there's trauma that leads to this.
· Here's what I believe certainly is our culture has also normalized and even glorified anxiety is there are many shows, books and other media that portray chronic anxiety and it's just like and it's even more so that it's like part of modern like women like it's okay to be anxious.
· You should be anxious. There's memes and jokes out there about how you're just an anxious girl or you have anxiety brain and that's why you can't focus on things and it's almost become a part of her identity. But the Proverbs 31 woman, she shows there's a different path. She's not immune to concerns. It's it's snowing in her day. She's living in a harsh world with real dangers. It's snowing before they had heaters, right?
· So, you had to get wood and had to be prepared. But she also channels that energy into preparation rather than paralysis. She doesn't fear the snow because she's already prepared warm clothing. She doesn't fear poverty because she's already been generous with what God has given her, knowing that God is going to take care of her if she is faithful. And she's focused on creating a community that loves her. Here's the deal is I I firmly believe that we have a culture that doesn't want to plan and doesn't want to grow up. I mean, with so many 30-year-olds, you're like, "Man, I'm ready to settle down." Like, bro, you're 10 years too late. Right? Like, you didn't become an adult at 30. You became an adult at 18. All right? It's like, and and it's this culture. It's like when we can say 18 or 30 is the new 18, but it doesn't change the fact that you're actually 30, you're not 18 years old. All right? And you're like, "Yeah, get them young people." All right, let's talk about middle age. We rack up debt after debt after debt of things we don't need to impress people we don't like.
· And we think, "Ah, it eventually will go away." Like, maybe the government will forgive it, maybe I'll get another loan, and maybe something will happen. A family member dies, I inherit something, eventually this is all going to go away.
· But we're just being piled on and piled on and piled on and piled on. You, some people have no plan for retirement.
· They're like, "Hey, I'll just get there.
· Like, someone will take care of me. My family will take care of me. It will work out. I don't have to plan ahead.
· It's fine. It will be there. Or maybe financially and on the practical ways you have planned for retirement. You are ready for it, but you haven't spiritually and and emotionally prepared your heart of like what am I going to do when I'm retired. And you see, we live in a world that says just like focus on today. Just like get through today, get to the weekend. Get to this. You'll be okay.
· And in here, we see throughout scripture, we see through the lens of the Proverbs 31 woman is that is not biblical. It is okay to plan ahead. It is okay to ask God to come into our picture and say, "Help me figure my life out." Instead of living one second at a time. And here we see that too often we are so anxious because we have let the world plan our life instead of taking it into God's hands. But he keeps going in verse 22. He says that she makes her own bed coverings. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known at the city gates where he sits among the elders of the land. She makes and sells linen garments. She delivers belts to the merchants. Strength and honor are her clothing and she can laugh at the time to come. What a great verse that is.
· Verse 26. Her mouth speaks wisdom and loving instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the activities of her household and she is never idle. Here's the next category we see when we talk about the physically a messy woman, the emotionally messy woman. And here we see the mentally messy woman. You see this woman here so different than what our culture preps us and prepares us for.
· She is mentally focused. She has purpose and direction. She's not scattered or aimless. Look at in verses 22. I love this. some of the things that we see in here. It says that she laughs at the time to come, right? She's prepared for this. She knows what's coming. So, she knows of what truly matters. Her mouth speaks wisdom. Wisdom is not something we gain on her own. Wisdom is something that as God molds us and is working on us slowly that wisdom just breathes out.
· It says she watches over the activities, she's never idol talking about again the hardworking um lifestyle she is. And here's ultimately what makes this woman so impressive is she's not letting life just pass her by, but she is filling her time with the important stuff. This past Friday, uh my wife works part-time and Friday is her one day in the office, so I'm running kids around to school and taking care of the younger kids at home. And during nap time, we got a big old like water bounce house slide from Sam's Club and it like takes up half of my backyard. It is ginormous. All right. And it weighs like 50 lbs. So, I'm like trying to lug this thing in the backyard. And I sent her a picture like I got it set up. I had the hose ready. And she's like, "You're going to have the kids play with that after school, like without me." And I was like kind of. I was like, "But I can wait." She's like, "No, it's fine. Don't wait." She's like, "Just record it." All right. Cuz you have And we're going to record it anyway. You want to see those little faces that are so true and then you'll never actually watch them again on your phone, but you'll have 5,000, you know, million pictures and videos on your phone that you never see again. Um, but it's like she wanted me to record it cuz she wanted to make sure she didn't miss that moment of their eyes lighting up when they saw this giant water slide in their backyard. And here sometimes what I'm guilty of and my wife is great at is sometimes I'm just like, I got to plan ahead. I got to get through. I got to get through this. Like kids in bed, everyone fed. Like this is great. Let's go. Like, you know, work my schedule.
· And my wife's like, let's just enjoy the moment. enjoy the moment with our family and our kids and watch and prioritizing the right things in our life. And you see this woman, this Proverbs 31 woman, she does this so well. And this leads to, I think, our cultural confession we have here is we have idolized status over purpose. We have idolized status over purpose. You see, she was focused on the right things. She was focused on her family, on loving God. We'll talk a little bit more of that in a second. of having the right things in her life instead of the world telling her what she should be focused on. A recent study found that 72% of women check Instagram daily. That's got to be true, if not closer to 80%. All right, but 72% of women check Instagram daily. But get this, and spend an average amount of time of 30 minutes on the app. That's where I call cap, as the young kids say, right? I think I use that right. I see a couple nods, but you're like 35 when you're nodding. So, that doesn't help me. The young kids aren't nodding.
· Okay. But 30 minutes, right? That's like 10 minutes of scrolling through reels or whatever that I know is longer than that. But if we're honest, it is so easy to get consumed into this world. And here's the problem with Instagram or whatever other app we're on is when we watch this stuff, we are watching carefully curated images and content that is designed to project status in a lifestyle that someone appears to live, not necessarily purpose or wisdom. Here here's what I mean by this is when we go to the Bible, we get our purpose in following Christ. We get wisdom of how to follow Christ properly. When we go to social media in the garbage of our world, we are getting people's perceived status of what they want their life to look like and we should try to reach up to them. And you see here there's like kind of blowing that picture up. It is too often I think when we go to a culture where we see a woman or a man's value is often tied to how enviable their life looks. Like we scroll and we're like, "Man, their home is so stylish. Uh, their children look so perfect. That's because it was a 10-second clip. Okay. Um, their vacations are so nice. Their career is so impressive and these achievements, but they never say the purpose behind these things. It's just about the status they convey. But here, what Proverbs 31 is trying to see us to see is this woman.
· She certainly had beautiful things. It says she even wears purple, the color of royalty. But these were and she made sure she was looking and and take care of herself and was in the right way. But these were all byproducts of a purposeful living life, not the purpose that she strived for itself. And it says she speaks with wisdom. She gives instruction. She managers household with diligence. But here's what I want you to hear is she's not concerned with appearing purposeful.
· She's not concerned with setting up a status for herself to be looked to.
· Instead, she actually is purposeful and following God. And here's the deal. As we start to get this, you know, go down this path and you're kind of wondering like like where are we going with this here? Here here's what I want you to hear as we kind of transition to the end of this passage is you are not defined by the status the world gives you. Even the good statuses. You're not defined by being a mom. Being a mom is a great thing, but it's not everything you are.
· You're not defined by being a boss or a wife or a grandma or being retired or fill in the blank with wherever you're at. You are not defined by that.
· Instead, scripture tells us what we are truly defined by. In verse 28, it says, "Her children rise up and they call her blessed. Her husband also praises her.
· Many women have done noble deeds, but you surpass them all. Verse 30, charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. Give her the reward of her labor, and let her works praise her at the city gates.
· The last part of this that we see, we see the physical mess, the emotional, the mental, and lastly, the spiritually messy women that our world has created.
· You see, it's so different than what we see here in Proverbs that above all else, this women, this woman here is spiritually grounded. Her her ultimate concern isn't the temporary pleasures or the achievements, but it's with eternal matters. And and I love in verse 30, it's so important. and says she fears the Lord and her family knows she fears the Lord. Everything she does flows out of this truth of her fearing and loving her God. But our world is not here. And it brings us to our fourth and our final cultural confession that we have today is we have been filled with temporary enjoyment over eternal fulfillment.
· You know, according to Barner research, there's been a weird trend happening in the life of young people really under 40 inside the church and inside our culture is women are actually attending Christian church less and less and there's a decline which they always were the leaders in but they're declining those numbers and actually young men are increasing but women aren't becoming less spiritual they're just becoming less Christian in some of that spiritual in our cultural instead there's been rise in other kind spirituality things, things like astrology and crystals and tarot and other new age practices in the spiritual but not religious category has grown immensely. And here's the problem that's happened in our culture is we have created a spiritual marketplace where women can pick and choose elements that feel good in the moment without the commitment or the challenge that comes with a faith in Jesus Christ.
· We have created a spirituality that is designed for temporary enjoyment, a quick fix of inspiration or comfort rather than eternal fulfillment. Recently, I was going through Target and noticed, you know, there's sections of everything of like journals and candles and home decor with like vaguely spiritual messages and it was all these things like good vibes only. Like what does that even mean?
· Okay, I have no idea. And then it was like manifest your dreams. Know even less about what that means. And even ones like the universe has your back.
· Who is the universe? And is all these little like cute phrases that I think our culture has reduced spirituality to is these little feel-good moments that kind of fill you up for a second but are empty and you feel empty again. And here's the problem. When you look into our world, our culture has failed women so badly. When we look at things and if we're being real and we're being honest about what is being consumed about saying this is what we strive for. From things like Only Fans to Instagram to material success to social status, our culture has told women they can substitute an eternal fulfillment and longing with temporary enjoyments that are here today and gone tomorrow. And guess what? They have lied. Because when those are gone, that void just hurts all the more. And the only cure for the mess that our culture has made is an eternal God in Jesus Christ who doesn't give us temporary. But because of his death and his resurrection, he gives us something eternal that can save us from our sins, that can save us from the lies of culture, that can truly give us a purpose and something greater to live for. As you reflect on this and as you write your fifth draft of your comment card complaint that you're going to turn in after church, you think, "What do we do with this? H how do we attempt to live this out?" And maybe as you've heard these words today, there's been some conviction in your life. Maybe you feel like, "Yes, like I have prioritized myself over loving and serving others." and you need to pray that prayer of confession to our God.
· Maybe you focus on the anxiety that our world has presented instead of planning and being purposeful. Maybe you have idolized a status of who you think you need to be rather than living with a purpose in Jesus Christ.
· Or maybe you've looked to the temporary fleeting things of our world rather than the eternal rock of our salvation in Jesus Christ. If you're in any of those places, you need to confess those to God. But maybe you're in a place right now where you're like, "Man, I was coming on Mother's Day. I I was hoping I'd be lifted up and I'm feeling a little beaten down. I've tried the things of the culture. They didn't work.
· I came to church. You just told me the things of culture don't work and it's miserable and it's left you a mess. I don't feel good leaving this place. Yesterday we wrapped up our soccer season over here uh which we talked about earlier in our story and I had all my three kids in it and my youngest Arlo, he's 3 years old. He was part of the Tigers allegedly.
· Okay. We went to about every practice, every game, and and I would like literally like grab his hand and like walk through practice with him because he just like as soon as he got on the field, he'd shut down. And then we did games. I think over the course of all our games is he averaged about 10 seconds of game time on the field in there. Yesterday was about a high. We were about out there 5 minutes just standing next to him while he's watching all the other kids run back and forth.
· Tried every bribe I could, every threat.
· None of it worked.
· But at the end of it, Arlo had his Tigers jersey on. He got his little Tiger certificate. And this might challenge your theology. It's really not theology. It's more just your personal preference. He also got a medal. Arlo didn't play any games. He didn't kick the ball the entire season, but he got a medal. And here's the deal.
· in your spiritual life, your good works, the things you have tried to bring to the table to God or the things you have tried to run through culture, you might as well be like Arlo playing a soccer game. You have done nothing good. The only thing you have brought to your salvation is the sin that has made it necessary. but because of the death and the resurrection of Jesus Christ that when you die because of you knowing him, you're going to get a medal.
· [Applause] Not because of what you've done, but because of what our God has done. And as you leave this place, my prayer is God can highlight the parts of your life that you need to ask him to clean up.
· But you get to rest in the fact that because we can confess Jesus with our mouth, because we can believe that he is our savior with our hearts, that no longer do we have to be defined by our mess, but we can to be defined by the glory of Jesus Christ. And as we go throughout this Mother's Day and we get to celebrate with all that God has done, my prayer is we get to rest in his purpose. We get to experience his eternity and we can leave this place knowing what Jesus has done in our lives and making him known to those around us.
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