A Message for Messy Women

you are not defined by the status the world gives you Even the good statuses You're not defined by being a mom Being a mom is a great thing but it's not everything you are You're not defined by being a boss or a wife or a grandma or being retired or fill in the blank with wherever you're at You are not defined by that [Music] But today as we start Mother's Day I was like what better way to celebrate and and to get into God's word in this time than coming to this topic and this new series where today we're going to talk about messy women You may need a new pastor next week All right but as I was actually preparing for this it's funny We have volunteers that come into um our offices and serve in a number of ways And they asked me they're like "Hey what are you uh working on?" Um they're like and I was like "Oh I'm writing my sermon for a few weeks out." And they're like "Oh cool What's the title of it?" And I said "It's called Messy Women." And no joke this was her response She said "What the Satan's home is wrong with you?" All right I'll let you fill in the blank there And I was like "All right here." And I I like gave her my outline I think it made her feel slightly better But here's why we say this today This is in the broader context of we're starting this new series this family series We're kind of talking about less of the mess inside of our homes And as we get into the series here's what we're going to look We're going to see how messy that parenting is how messy our children are Can I get an amen at least for that one right How messy our finances can be And I'm going to end on Father's Day talking about how messy men are All right I'll be extra hard on that day I promise Even we're going lighter today But as we get into this and then as we kind of start to dissect through this and look at this of how does our culture just create this mess within our lives and inside of our families is how does God have something greater for us And here's kind of the lens and the and the challenge I want to give us as we begin to pick apart throughout this these next six weeks from Mother's Day to Father's Day is here's our serious challenge is when our family is a mess It is time to come to God and confess when our family is a mess And you probably have some messiness in your family Maybe it's within you and your spouse with you and your kids with you and extended family is there could be some sort of mess that you are waiting through that you are kind of navigating And when we have a mess and we have a mess because our world has put us in that mess and our sinful desires have the only answer is to come to our God and confess it to him In James 5:1 16 he says this "Therefore confess your sins to one another." And I love this And pray for one another Why So that you may be healed That God brings healing God cleans up the stuff that we destroy the messes that we create And today as we start this journey with our moms with our wives with our sisters and our daughters and the amazing messy women in our lives we get to see this through the lens of Proverbs chapter 31 So if you have your Bible go ahead and flip to Proverbs chapter 31 And if you're familiar with this passage and we're going to be starting in verse 10 this is one of the most intimidating passages in all of scripture Usually if you mention it when I mention it to my wife or to women in the church there's always like a like a groan a little bit right Right Like you read this passage you're like "How did she do all this in a day?" Like "What is this like Superwoman or whatever?" And and sometimes we read this passage and I think it can be misused almost as like a measuring stick Like do you live up to this And if not we feel beaten down We feel like you're not enough But instead what if this was less about a measuring stick and not a burden but was meant to liberate us from the mess that our culture has made of womanhood And in this passage we're going to see today is we're going to dive into four areas where I think women are feeling particularly messy in today's culture And we're going to see what Proverbs 31 has to say about them And we start in Proverbs 31 in verse 10 The writer Solomon says this "Who can find a woman of noble character she is far more precious than jewels The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will not lack anything good She rewards him with good not evil all the days of her life She selects wool and flax and works with willing hands She is like the merchant ships bringing her food from far away She rises while it is still night and provides for her household in portions for her female servants She evaluates a field and buys it She plants a vineyard with her earnings She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong Here's the first area that women I think today through our culture feel particularly messy It is we see the physically messy woman You see Solomon starts this off and Solomon is the writer of the book of Proverbs and uh he was the wisest man on the earth in his time So if you get mad throughout this Solomon said it not me okay Uh we'll just establish that But he was wise and and I would almost argue he might have been the second wisest man throughout history next to Jesus himself because his wisdom was from God But as he starts this section he asks a question He said 'Who can find a wife of noble character But then instead of leaving that question lingering he immediately answers it And he answers it with who this woman is And he starts to describe her And this description kind of starts to boil down to a woman who is physically engaged with her household A woman who is not afraid of hard work A woman who is not afraid to use her strength Look through verses 13-1 17 I just love about how it talks about how hardworking she is Listen to some of the phrases that are used here It says there's willing hands I I'll be honest Sometimes my hands are not very willing Sometimes I'm like that's my kid's job right Like you go do that Like I I'm like "Nah I've done enough I'm good." And and here we're told the opposite This godly woman has willing hands She's bringing her food from far away This was before grocery stores You think Costco's far away Go to a merchant ship I don't even know where that is but it's far away right He says "It rises while it is still night It's really easy to easy to rise while it's night in the winter It's a lot harder in the summer when the sun you know sun is up at 4:00 a.m She says she provides she evaluates she draws on her strength Here's what I love about all this is you read this and every woman and even every man strives to be described like this to have a work ethic like this to have these descriptions of these hands and these bringing and these providing and these evaluating and drawing on the strength But I think if we're honest I don't think our culture celebrates this I don't think our culture strives to live this way And as we go throughout this and we're going to talk about kind of these messy elements that our culture brings up and faces inside of this I think there's some confessions that we need to make as we look at our culture and how what instead is God calling us to And here's our first cultural confession is we have valued self-care over sacrificial service Our world loves to say "Hey you take care of yourself You do what you need to do You need to be rested." And there and we're going to talk about this a second is there's some truth to that You can't work out of your burnout You can't work if you are dry But our world has taken this to the extreme A recent survey said the average American woman spends about $3,756 per year on beauty products and services If I'm honest I thought that was low All right that's only $313 per month That's a car payment I thought it'd be more like a mortgage payment if I'm being real Okay Um All right The cards are starting Uh you're starting drafting your text that you're going to email in or text in to the church complaining But but here's the deal is if we're honest our culture has taken something good and self-care is a great thing don't get me wrong but has almost made an idol of it The global beauty industry is about $450 billion That's a B And I think our culture is constantly telling us that we need to put ourselves first that we need to self-care isn't selfish that we need to fill our own cups before we fill someone else And there is a kernel of truth in that But I think we need to maintain our health in a right way But our culture has twisted this into a self-centered obsession And I think the real toxic turn this takes is trying to live up to superficial physical standards set by social media and the things around us that we can never grasp in reality You see here's what I think is so tragic is why I think women can fall into this trap of this kind of physically messy and always trying to just care about ourselves not care about the others is because you're trying to keep up with the portrayal out there in our culture is is Instagram it's fake right Social media is fake What we see on uh movies in media it's all fake They got lots of makeup lots of filters CGI it's AI Everything is putting this thing So we're trying to reach this standard that no one actually is achieving themselves And here what what we're seeing through scripture is Proverbs 31 is telling us exactly the opposite You see the Proverbs 31 woman she's not neglecting herself It actually says she's strong She she's vigorous It will describe her as beautiful in a second but her focus is outward not inward She's using her physical strength to serve her family to serve her community not just to perfect her appearance or prioritize her comfort But we keep going in verse 18 and he says that she sees that her prophets are good and her lamp never goes out at night She extends her hand to the spinning staff and her hands holds the spindle Her hands reach out to the poor and she extends her hand to the needy Listen to 21 She is not afraid for her household when it snows for all in her household are doubly clothed You see not only do we see the physically messy women that our world has produced that our culture has produced but we also see the emotionally messy woman And in here I love as this passage that in these verses because this godly woman is portrayed here she is shown as someone who is emotionally steady And and one of the ways she is emotionally steady And here here's kind of the rub here how it describes is she plans ahead She's not paralyzed by fear about the future Instead she knows what's coming and she's ready for it Here's the thing is our world freaks out about uncertainty Our world goes crazy when we can't see a far enough ahead and we don't know what's coming Think about this on a global scale as we freak out about the economy about the housing market about a global pandemic about global wars about local and federal politics We love to make ourselves anxious and crazy but the Proverbs 31 woman does not do that And listen to some of the practical ways it shows us in these verses It says "She sees that her prophets are good She's looking at reality She She's knowing what truth is and not getting it twisted by all the stuff we consume She extends her staff She is working with others She's reaching out to the poor She's not afraid when it snows Now I would be very afraid if it snowed in Phoenix cuz that might mean that climate change is real I don't know But she here is what it's saying And she's she's not afraid She's not caught off guard She knows winter is coming so she's preparing for it We know 120 is coming so we make sure our AC's are tuned up and will not break in the middle of the summer right And she's not afraid of it cuz she's planned for it Here's our cultural confession under this idea of this emotional mess that our world has created is we have focused on anxiety over careful planning How much of us fall into this trap where we are so anxious We are so worried all the time because we're being fed through all sources Man I scroll Twitter and the world is going to burn down every single time I'm scrolling Okay You go on Instagram you go on Facebook you watch cable news whatever it is that you consume content the world looks like it's going to end And when we bring this into the view of women it gets even worse Did you know that women today are twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with an anxiety order According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America anxiety disorders inside of adults inside the US are at 40 million And I I think that number is actually incredibly low And when Gen Z comes more into adulthood that number is going to skyrocket in ways we have never seen And and here's the thing While there are biological factors that can be involved in this there's trauma that leads to this Here's what I believe certainly is our culture has also normalized and even glorified anxiety is there are many shows books and other media that portray chronic anxiety and it's just like and it's even more so that it's like part of modern like women like it's okay to be anxious You should be anxious There's memes and jokes out there about how you're just an anxious girl or you have anxiety brain and that's why you can't focus on things and it's almost become a part of her identity But the Proverbs 31 woman she shows there's a different path She's not immune to concerns It's it's snowing in her day She's living in a harsh world with real dangers It's snowing before they had heaters right So you had to get wood and had to be prepared But she also channels that energy into preparation rather than paralysis She doesn't fear the snow because she's already prepared warm clothing She doesn't fear poverty because she's already been generous with what God has given her knowing that God is going to take care of her if she is faithful And she's focused on creating a community that loves her Here's the deal is I I firmly believe that we have a culture that doesn't want to plan and doesn't want to grow up I mean with so many 30-year-olds you're like "Man I'm ready to settle down." Like bro you're 10 years too late Right Like you didn't become an adult at 30 You became an adult at 18 All right It's like and and it's this culture It's like when we can say 18 or 30 is the new 18 but it doesn't change the fact that you're actually 30 you're not 18 years old All right And you're like "Yeah get them young people." All right let's talk about middle age We rack up debt after debt after debt of things we don't need to impress people we don't like And we think "Ah it eventually will go away." Like maybe the government will forgive it maybe I'll get another loan and maybe something will happen A family member dies I inherit something eventually this is all going to go away But we're just being piled on and piled on and piled on and piled on You some people have no plan for retirement They're like "Hey I'll just get there Like someone will take care of me My family will take care of me It will work out I don't have to plan ahead It's fine It will be there Or maybe financially and on the practical ways you have planned for retirement You are ready for it but you haven't spiritually and and emotionally prepared your heart of like what am I going to do when I'm retired And you see we live in a world that says just like focus on today Just like get through today get to the weekend Get to this You'll be okay And in here we see throughout scripture we see through the lens of the Proverbs 31 woman is that is not biblical It is okay to plan ahead It is okay to ask God to come into our picture and say "Help me figure my life out." Instead of living one second at a time And here we see that too often we are so anxious because we have let the world plan our life instead of taking it into God's hands But he keeps going in verse 22 He says that she makes her own bed coverings Her clothing is fine linen and purple Her husband is known at the city gates where he sits among the elders of the land She makes and sells linen garments She delivers belts to the merchants Strength and honor are her clothing and she can laugh at the time to come What a great verse that is Verse 26 Her mouth speaks wisdom and loving instruction is on her tongue She watches over the activities of her household and she is never idle Here's the next category we see when we talk about the physically a messy woman the emotionally messy woman And here we see the mentally messy woman You see this woman here so different than what our culture preps us and prepares us for She is mentally focused She has purpose and direction She's not scattered or aimless Look at in verses 22 I love this some of the things that we see in here It says that she laughs at the time to come right She's prepared for this She knows what's coming So she knows of what truly matters Her mouth speaks wisdom Wisdom is not something we gain on her own Wisdom is something that as God molds us and is working on us slowly that wisdom just breathes out It says she watches over the activities she's never idol talking about again the hardworking um lifestyle she is And here's ultimately what makes this woman so impressive is she's not letting life just pass her by but she is filling her time with the important stuff This past Friday uh my wife works part-time and Friday is her one day in the office so I'm running kids around to school and taking care of the younger kids at home And during nap time we got a big old like water bounce house slide from Sam's Club and it like takes up half of my backyard It is ginormous All right And it weighs like 50 lbs So I'm like trying to lug this thing in the backyard And I sent her a picture like I got it set up I had the hose ready And she's like "You're going to have the kids play with that after school like without me." And I was like kind of I was like "But I can wait." She's like "No it's fine Don't wait." She's like "Just record it." All right Cuz you have And we're going to record it anyway You want to see those little faces that are so true and then you'll never actually watch them again on your phone but you'll have 5,000 you know million pictures and videos on your phone that you never see again Um but it's like she wanted me to record it cuz she wanted to make sure she didn't miss that moment of their eyes lighting up when they saw this giant water slide in their backyard And here sometimes what I'm guilty of and my wife is great at is sometimes I'm just like I got to plan ahead I got to get through I got to get through this Like kids in bed everyone fed Like this is great Let's go Like you know work my schedule And my wife's like let's just enjoy the moment enjoy the moment with our family and our kids and watch and prioritizing the right things in our life And you see this woman this Proverbs 31 woman she does this so well And this leads to I think our cultural confession we have here is we have idolized status over purpose We have idolized status over purpose You see she was focused on the right things She was focused on her family on loving God We'll talk a little bit more of that in a second of having the right things in her life instead of the world telling her what she should be focused on A recent study found that 72% of women check Instagram daily That's got to be true if not closer to 80% All right but 72% of women check Instagram daily But get this and spend an average amount of time of 30 minutes on the app That's where I call cap as the young kids say right I think I use that right I see a couple nods but you're like 35 when you're nodding So that doesn't help me The young kids aren't nodding Okay But 30 minutes right That's like 10 minutes of scrolling through reels or whatever that I know is longer than that But if we're honest it is so easy to get consumed into this world And here's the problem with Instagram or whatever other app we're on is when we watch this stuff we are watching carefully curated images and content that is designed to project status in a lifestyle that someone appears to live not necessarily purpose or wisdom Here here's what I mean by this is when we go to the Bible we get our purpose in following Christ We get wisdom of how to follow Christ properly When we go to social media in the garbage of our world we are getting people's perceived status of what they want their life to look like and we should try to reach up to them And you see here there's like kind of blowing that picture up It is too often I think when we go to a culture where we see a woman or a man's value is often tied to how enviable their life looks Like we scroll and we're like "Man their home is so stylish Uh their children look so perfect That's because it was a 10-second clip Okay Um their vacations are so nice Their career is so impressive and these achievements but they never say the purpose behind these things It's just about the status they convey But here what Proverbs 31 is trying to see us to see is this woman She certainly had beautiful things It says she even wears purple the color of royalty But these were and she made sure she was looking and and take care of herself and was in the right way But these were all byproducts of a purposeful living life not the purpose that she strived for itself And it says she speaks with wisdom She gives instruction She managers household with diligence But here's what I want you to hear is she's not concerned with appearing purposeful She's not concerned with setting up a status for herself to be looked to Instead she actually is purposeful and following God And here's the deal As we start to get this you know go down this path and you're kind of wondering like like where are we going with this here Here here's what I want you to hear as we kind of transition to the end of this passage is you are not defined by the status the world gives you Even the good statuses You're not defined by being a mom Being a mom is a great thing but it's not everything you are You're not defined by being a boss or a wife or a grandma or being retired or fill in the blank with wherever you're at You are not defined by that Instead scripture tells us what we are truly defined by In verse 28 it says "Her children rise up and they call her blessed Her husband also praises her Many women have done noble deeds but you surpass them all Verse 30 charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised Give her the reward of her labor and let her works praise her at the city gates The last part of this that we see we see the physical mess the emotional the mental and lastly the spiritually messy women that our world has created You see it's so different than what we see here in Proverbs that above all else this women this woman here is spiritually grounded Her her ultimate concern isn't the temporary pleasures or the achievements but it's with eternal matters And and I love in verse 30 it's so important and says she fears the Lord and her family knows she fears the Lord Everything she does flows out of this truth of her fearing and loving her God But our world is not here And it brings us to our fourth and our final cultural confession that we have today is we have been filled with temporary enjoyment over eternal fulfillment You know according to Barner research there's been a weird trend happening in the life of young people really under 40 inside the church and inside our culture is women are actually attending Christian church less and less and there's a decline which they always were the leaders in but they're declining those numbers and actually young men are increasing but women aren't becoming less spiritual they're just becoming less Christian in some of that spiritual in our cultural instead there's been rise in other kind spirituality things things like astrology and crystals and tarot and other new age practices in the spiritual but not religious category has grown immensely And here's the problem that's happened in our culture is we have created a spiritual marketplace where women can pick and choose elements that feel good in the moment without the commitment or the challenge that comes with a faith in Jesus Christ We have created a spirituality that is designed for temporary enjoyment a quick fix of inspiration or comfort rather than eternal fulfillment Recently I was going through Target and noticed you know there's sections of everything of like journals and candles and home decor with like vaguely spiritual messages and it was all these things like good vibes only Like what does that even mean Okay I have no idea And then it was like manifest your dreams Know even less about what that means And even ones like the universe has your back Who is the universe And is all these little like cute phrases that I think our culture has reduced spirituality to is these little feel-good moments that kind of fill you up for a second but are empty and you feel empty again And here's the problem When you look into our world our culture has failed women so badly When we look at things and if we're being real and we're being honest about what is being consumed about saying this is what we strive for From things like Only Fans to Instagram to material success to social status our culture has told women they can substitute an eternal fulfillment and longing with temporary enjoyments that are here today and gone tomorrow And guess what They have lied Because when those are gone that void just hurts all the more And the only cure for the mess that our culture has made is an eternal God in Jesus Christ who doesn't give us temporary But because of his death and his resurrection he gives us something eternal that can save us from our sins that can save us from the lies of culture that can truly give us a purpose and something greater to live for As you reflect on this and as you write your fifth draft of your comment card complaint that you're going to turn in after church you think "What do we do with this H how do we attempt to live this out?" And maybe as you've heard these words today there's been some conviction in your life Maybe you feel like "Yes like I have prioritized myself over loving and serving others." and you need to pray that prayer of confession to our God Maybe you focus on the anxiety that our world has presented instead of planning and being purposeful Maybe you have idolized a status of who you think you need to be rather than living with a purpose in Jesus Christ Or maybe you've looked to the temporary fleeting things of our world rather than the eternal rock of our salvation in Jesus Christ If you're in any of those places you need to confess those to God But maybe you're in a place right now where you're like "Man I was coming on Mother's Day I I was hoping I'd be lifted up and I'm feeling a little beaten down I've tried the things of the culture They didn't work I came to church You just told me the things of culture don't work and it's miserable and it's left you a mess I don't feel good leaving this place Yesterday we wrapped up our soccer season over here uh which we talked about earlier in our story and I had all my three kids in it and my youngest Arlo he's 3 years old He was part of the Tigers allegedly Okay We went to about every practice every game and and I would like literally like grab his hand and like walk through practice with him because he just like as soon as he got on the field he'd shut down And then we did games I think over the course of all our games is he averaged about 10 seconds of game time on the field in there Yesterday was about a high We were about out there 5 minutes just standing next to him while he's watching all the other kids run back and forth Tried every bribe I could every threat None of it worked But at the end of it Arlo had his Tigers jersey on He got his little Tiger certificate And this might challenge your theology It's really not theology It's more just your personal preference He also got a medal Arlo didn't play any games He didn't kick the ball the entire season but he got a medal And here's the deal in your spiritual life your good works the things you have tried to bring to the table to God or the things you have tried to run through culture you might as well be like Arlo playing a soccer game You have done nothing good The only thing you have brought to your salvation is the sin that has made it necessary but because of the death and the resurrection of Jesus Christ that when you die because of you knowing him you're going to get a medal [Applause] Not because of what you've done but because of what our God has done And as you leave this place my prayer is God can highlight the parts of your life that you need to ask him to clean up But you get to rest in the fact that because we can confess Jesus with our mouth because we can believe that he is our savior with our hearts that no longer do we have to be defined by our mess but we can to be defined by the glory of Jesus Christ And as we go throughout this Mother's Day and we get to celebrate with all that God has done my prayer is we get to rest in his purpose We get to experience his eternity and we can leave this place knowing what Jesus has done in our lives and making him known to those around us [Music]